i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
