You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
