I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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