a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Are my feet made of real feet?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
