I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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