Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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