your parents love me but you hate me
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
