I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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