Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
