Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
