i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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