My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
