Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
