Kiss
Puke
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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