how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
