Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
