Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
