I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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