I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
