i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
