so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
