i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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