Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
