Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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