She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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