new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
