I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize