i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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