I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
