Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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