I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
