i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
