Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
