They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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