so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
