I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
