I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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