I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He kissed a someone with a penis
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
