So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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