Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
