help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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