I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
