Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize