I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
im on a boat
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