its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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