who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
and you said cock pushups were impossible
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
