Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
