I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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