Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
