Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Who died my cat blue again?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
