please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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