I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
im about as happy as oj after his trial
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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