You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
