I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
