Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
