dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
false alarm. still invincible.
love makes seman taste better
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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