Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
