so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
