You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
When are your genitals available?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
