Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
