he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
