after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
