I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
