How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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