We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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