U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize