look no pants
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
