Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
