It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
