summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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