You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
