I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
