My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
