Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
